So Close and Yet…So Far

Many of you, like me, probably routinely use the phrase ‘delulu is the solulu’ as a way to validate the infatuation/crush/whatever you want to call it on a celebrity/musician/etc (that etc is there solely for Robert Irwin, just saying). But sometimes it feels like a cosmic joke. Someone thought ‘Hey let’s put the epitome of the perfect male specimen in front of this person but make him entirely unobtainable and out of reach.’ Hahaha, funny joke. In reality, it’s just cruel. You end up with standards higher than Mount Everest while you’re surrounded by mediocre men who just cannot and, sometimes, will not and refuse to improve themselves to meet said standards. You could, of course, lower your standards but why should you? Why must women always be expected to accept less than what they want? Why must women curtail their expectations? And yet, men expect a woman who can cook, clean, run a household, etc., etc., etc. Why do we need to be at the very pinnacle of womanhood to be considered by a man who probably doesn’t know how to turn on a washing machine?

It’s time for men to realise that good women don’t come cheap. Weaponised incompetence is not accepted or excused. You can’t turn on a dishwasher? Okay, go back home, get a responsible adult to teach you and then reenter the gene pool. Men seem to be looking for a woman to baby them and coddle them but I, for one, will not suffer fools. I enter a relationship to be an equal not a parent or a babysitter. Am I expecting perfection? No. I understand that perfection doesn’t exist. We all have flaws. Every one of us does. I accept that some people can only burn water but what I cannot accept is that someone who is declared a legal adult is entirely inept. I refuse to compensate for someone’s ineptitude. I work hard and I endeavour to learn and improve myself wherever possible and, in a relationship, I expect the same from my other half. Reciprocation is of paramount importance. Mutual respect is a must. Why would I bother to make an effort for someone who doesn’t respect the time, effort and care that I put into any given situation?

Most men would probably look at me now and think that I’m too old. If that is the case, don’t let the doorknob hit you where the good Lord split you on the way out. If I’m too old then he’s too immature to realise that I am looking for something far more serious than he’ll ever be willing to offer. I’m not going to lie and hide what I want just so I don’t scare some poor boy away. I’m not asking to hold hands every second of every day and whisper sweet nothings to one another until we cause cavities either. I’m looking for someone who is looking for a woman who is probably more hassle than she’s worth, snarky af, stubborn as all hell and will do anything she can under the sun to make you happy. I will bring what I can to the table but I do expect something in return: you bring something too. Also included (for free!) is a big nerd who wears glasses and plays a lot of video games. Zelda, Pokémon, League of Legends (if you give me Wi-Fi access), Tomb Raider, Uncharted, the list goes on but I won’t bore you with the details. I will ‘borrow’ (rob) hoodies and sometimes I don’t want to people.

I put the ‘I’ in my Introverted result on the Myers-Briggs result but, if you are my person, you better believe you are the exception to the ‘people suck’ rule. I love cuddles and physical contact. However, I give acts of service and words of affirmation as a show of my affection. People wonder why my expectations are so high. Because if one man can do it, so can the rest. I won’t settle for half assed efforts and ‘it’s good enough’s anymore. It’s time to put myself first. So, to those untouchable, nigh on perfect men that set my standards sky high, thank you. I know what I want and I’ll wait for it. I’m patient like that. And if anyone has issues with what I’m asking for, please direct your complaints to Christopher ‘Bang Chan’ Chahn Bahng. He’s responsible for my standards. PEACE!