Movie Review: Wild Mountain Thyme

So Niamh and I subjected ourselves to the horror that was ‘Wild Mountain Thyme’ and it’s only fair we warn you, it’s awful. Why did I know this movie was written and directed by an American without even doing any research? But, most importantly, why did I have absolutely no idea when this movie was set? If you can’t guess, this review ain’t going to be pretty. Strap yourself in and watch the trailer at least (it’s enough to make you cringe if you’re Irish). This is very much a case of ‘We watched this so you wouldn’t have to’ and you really shouldn’t have to watch this. Yeah, it’s that bad.

‘Wild Mountain Thyme’ is a 2020 movie based on the play ‘Outside Mullingar’ by J.P. Shanley and earned itself a grand total of 26% on Rotten Tomatoes. (Yup, that’s what we’re dealing with here!) Starring Jamie Dornan, Emily Blunt, Christopher Walken, Jon Hamm and Derbhla Molloy, Wild Mountain Thyme is that movie. You know, that movie that you know is going to be bad and then it lives up to all your expectations and worse. It was also directed by Shanley as well and filmed in Crossmolina and Ballina in the west of Ireland which are, in fact, very far “outside Mullingar”. I’m giving you all fair warning! This movie was so bad that it ended up on the RTE News because the accents alone in the trailer caused so much of an uproar online. Now, let’s have a closer look at this movie as a whole.

Where do I even begin with his trainwreck of a movie? Well, first and foremost, the main Irish actor of the film (Dornan) couldn’t use his native Irish accent because he’s Northern Irish and there is a distinct difference between a Northern accent and accents from the South of Ireland. We had Christopher Walken as Christopher Walken trying to do a Irish accent so the name Muldoon became Moldoooon and if you’re from anywhere near Mullingar the emphasis is never on the last syllable of a word. The accents weren’t the only thing to make you cringe either. To be thorough, I even read some of ‘Outside Mullingar’ and it’s full of the exact same nonsense plot as the movie. It’s all whimsical and mystical happenings that make absolutely no sense too.  This movie makes me question how it made it past the focus groups and then I realise that the focus group was probably American and they’d probably believe Ireland is some podunk country with no technological developments. Let’s set the record straight, shall we?

Ireland is just as technologically advanced as the US and we are not solely dependent on landline phones to make and receive calls. We have ‘cell phones’, we just call them phones though because they’re so common now. The only young American character in this movie had some semblance of a smartphone and rented a Rolls Royce in Ireland that was taxed and insured for the year 2020 while the postman was driving a 2006 van and Dornan and Walken’s characters owned a modern John Deere tractor. Now hold on a second, who ever rented a Rolls Royce and why? Car rental is a very recent concept so that suggests a recent setting. Meanwhile, Blunt was dressed as though she was from any era between the 50s and the 80s (and sometimes every era and none at the same time) but was talking about freezing her eggs. What? When? How? Come on, movie, make a modicum of sense! This movie couldn’t decide what decade it was set in. Another note, women don’t exactly sit around pining over the handsome local bachelor from the age of 8, now do they? Plus, if this movie is set in the mid to second half of the 20th century, flights to and from the US would be really expensive and you wouldn’t be able to just pop over for the ballet and fly back. The only way I can explain it is that this movie is set in some alternate reality where all these time periods collide. There is no other feasible explanation.

So, hands up if you ever felt personally victimized by a movie! *raises hand* This is very much the movie you watch if you want to turn off your brain and forget you ever watched said movie. Come on people, can we at least get rid of the horrific, stereotypical accents at the very least? If there’s anything good I can say about this movie, its that it ended. It was an embarrassment and I have no idea why anyone let it be made in the first place. Besides, we all know that the only reason for watching, at least for Niamh and I, was that Jamie Dornan is in it and, in case you haven’t noticed, he’s a ridiculously good looking guy. Trust me when I say this: We watched this so you wouldn’t have to. Don’t subject yourself to this one.