My… Quirk

So, over the year and a bit that we’ve been writing for OMG, Niamh has written about her hidden superpower, dyslexia, twice. Not once have I done the same thing. Yeah, I’ve mentioned it like it’s really no big deal but to some people it probably is a huge thing. I’m partially deaf. It’s not a recent development either. I’ve been hearing impaired for as long as I can remember. And, yes, it irks me when people mutter under their breath and when I ask them to repeat themselves they say “Nothing.” I’ve had surgery to remedy my damaged hearing and it didn’t work and I was left with about 60% of my overall hearing. I hate people touching my ears but all those things are non-issues to everyone except me. Plus, sneaking up on me is easy; not a good idea but easy

I’ve grown so used to it in my life that I don’t think I could imagine being able to hear the world at full volume. Honestly, it would probably be spectacularly loud. I have extremely limited hearing in my right ear and it has affected the way I do things. I tend to always stand to the right of people so that I can hear them as they speak. I lip read to make sure I don’t miss the joke so I’m not flirting when I’m looking at your mouth, I’m trying to understand you. I keep quiet about this whole thing because I don’t need special treatment. I don’t need you to speak S L O W L Y. Thanks but you just look a bit foolish treating me like that and I will ensure that you know it too. I may have a hard time hearing sometimes but I am not completely deaf. I don’t need people to almost shout and over enunciate at me like that will help. What I need is patience to not slap the people who gives me the ‘aw you poor little thing’ look when I explain why I can’t hear them. I also need people to speak clearly and not cover their mouths while they talk. If a person constantly covers their mouth while they speak, good luck! My attention has evaporated and I’ve just spaced right out. Sorry but I don’t make the rules, my ears do and one of them is a fickle bitch about what it hears.

The thing is that my ears, and yours for that matter, not only affect what we hear but also our balance. I can vividly remember playing WiiFit and freaking out because my balance was unbelievably off centre. My head is generally just ever so slightly tilted. When I’m pissed off a place all my weight on my strongest side i.e. the one without the impairment. The thing is that, sometimes when I tell people I’m partially deaf, they treat me differently but I’m not. I’m still sarcastic and “intimidating” and I’m not hesitant to talk to people, I just don’t like some people. (There’s a difference 0:) 

Having ears that aren’t working properly means that I’ve altered my ability to locate sounds to work with only one ear. Does it work 100%? Nope but something is better than nothing. And last year I had the weirdest, trippy experience in an amphitheatre and I couldn’t remotely locate sound and it messed with my head in a big way. It was life in triple surround sound with echo and reverb and it made my head spin. I loved the location, it was visually stunning, and the gig but it was like being slapped in the face with vertigo.

What I’ve always found ironic is that I adore music and radio. I have probably spent years of my life listening to music as I type, travel and go about my daily life. Music is profoundly important to me and it’s a big part of who I am. I love gigs and the best part is that even if I’m ‘hard of hearing’ or whatever else you want to call it, I am the same as everyone else when I’m at a gig. I just appreciate bass lines and drums a little bit more than most because you don’t need ears to feel the beat. The rhythm of a song is the first thing that will catch my attention. So whether a band is good depends, not only on their lyrics and general sound, but also their use of lower tones, bass percussion and low registers as well and how well it all works together. There was one perfect example of this involving ‘Lately’ by Chasing Abbey. I listened to the song through speakers and on the radio and thought “not a bad song, I like it” then I listened to it with my headphones and said, and I quote, “it’s like a massage for my brain \(~,~)/ ” and, naturally, I liked it a hell of a lot more after that.

Now, some people think that a hearing aid would help me but my doctor, the last time I saw him, said that the damage and scarring on my eardrum would render a hearing aid useless. Do I know sign language? No, I’m very capable of having a conversation without it and, if you’re my friend, ripping you to shreds with harmless insults unless I really, really like you. Do I have odd habits? Yes. Like I said, if I care about what you have to say, I will stand on your right. If you want to get my attention, touching my forearm is more effective than calling my name sometimes.

Overall, I’m still me. The same as everyone else. A human being with some….quirks. I’m still just Emma, no different than the first time I introduced myself to you. If you’ve read this far, I want to say thank you. And to reference my favourite blue alien: I’m little, and broken, but still good….Yeah, still good.